From a post on the Inspire website: 


"The definition of the wisdom of God means that He will bring about the best possible results, by the best possible means, for the most possible people, for the longest period of time, to bring Him the greatest glory."

Translation: "If there was an easier way, if there was a kinder way, if there was a less dramatic way, if there was a less painful way for you, I would have provided it. However, I need to do a way deeper work in you then you knew. I need to take you places where you have never been before. It's not about people it's about Me. You can trust Me or not trust Me. I am all wise. I have orchestrated and allowed these circumstances into your life. You need to decide if God is all wise or not."


She said she did not know the author of the quote. I love the message. May I remember it. 

Prayers for my BFF, if you have a moment. First pregnancy has now been deemed a miscarriage. I wish I had magic words for her and her hubby. Makes it even more evident how miraculous life is and how quickly it's lost. I need some good news. Christmas doesn't look so cheery this year.

Went to the RE today. Explained the horrible periods and pain. He believes it is caused by thick endometrial lining. So onto progesterone I go! We are going to try it for two months and see if I get some improvement in my cycles. Also spoke with him about DH's chances of ever making sperm. With a gentle hand on my knee he said it was probably not ever going to happen. He had a look in his eye that made me think he was breaking this news to me. (Little does he know all the countless internet research and journal article research I have conducted in the last months!) It was a tough pill to swallow today. I've heard it from several people. It's never going to get easy. And it makes me all the more curious about just getting back onto birth control. No PCOS symptoms sounds awesome. But I believe in miracles, right? And I don't want to give up on hubby.
BFF texted me that she had an unplanned doctor's appointment today. She's the one who is 7 wks and been bleeding for a week with what they thought was a subchorionic hematoma. . I still haven't heard from her. It's making me kind of ill. I worry about her so much. I know I've said it before, but I never want IF to ruin my heart for those that don't have IF issues.
On another frustrating note - my not-so-smart sister with three children, no income, and a new boyfriend despite the divorce being final, is PREGNANT with her fourth child! How fantastic! I keep telling hubby that God must have some amazing child waiting in the wings for us. I cannot see it any other way. I've got to just keep telling myself that. All four of my younger sisters could qualify for Teen Mom. Granted the fourth one is not pregnant yet, thank god! But I fear the time is coming.

Hubby is healing well. He's going to return to work tomorrow, which is actually a day early. It's good to see him doing well. I have an appointment with the RE tomorrow about my terrible cramps, chronic abdominal pain (that I've had for three years, but seems to be getting worse lately) and what I should do about needing more than ibuprofen during AF. Hope that I get some answers....
I often wonder about PCOS and the correlation with chronic abdominal pain. Some definitions of PCOS include abdominal pain, and others clearly don't. Although, I've had this pain despite birth control. I would think if it's PCOS related the pills would have controlled it. Who knows? I sure don't.
On a brighter note - hubby and I are seriously thinking about doing a small triathlon this upcoming August. I am NOT in shape! I AM overweight. (According to the BMI...I think I have officially fallen into the obese category - Although I don't know how that could be!) But, it's something I have always wanted to do. Watching Ironman Triathlon this weekend on TV renewed my interest. I'm gonna make this goal before the first of the year. Can't ever seem to keep those ones...

Hubby's surgery went really well. Small incision. Hopefully he will heal quickly. No masses or other very concerning things seen. Other than a very small undescended testicle. Percocet and a private duty bedside nurse. He should be back to himself in no time!
We spent the whole day watching t.v. under blankets on the couch. (Quite relaxing if you ask me)
So, now we hope that the one bad testicle was influencing the good one and we might see a drop in his FSH. And, then maybe some little swimmers. Wouldn't that be a great surprise! (Highly unlikely, but we cannot help but be a little hopeful.)
Thank you all for your thoughts and well wishes.

Hubby goes in for his orchiotomy tomorrow. Discarding the bad nut. Can't say I'm not a little apprehensive. Not the surgery so much, just that he's loosing a sperm manufacturing area... Yes, I know it's non-functional. I know it's not doing him any good. I know it puts him at a high risk for testicular cancer. But, somehow it seems like a step farther from babies. Illogical, I know. Thankfully that's what this blog is for!
So, prayers would be appreciated. My poor hubby almost faints at the sight of needles. It will be a very trying day for him. We have played out the whole thing. I have given him every nurse insider tip possible. We ran through the OR play-by-play. Now let's hope it all goes as planned. AND,  that he doesn't stop producing testosterone, or something crazy like that.
Also, BFF is still bleeding. They are going to see her Monday in the clinic. I hate living so far away from her. Prayers for her and her little one. Or loss of little one. And her hubby too.
Hopefully we can start talking babies again after this nutty issue is resolved...

Ranting. That's all this post is about. If I have to endure one more day of horrible cramps and and hemorrhaging I just might crawl into bed and never come out again! (Actually, that sounds kind of nice today...) Made an appointment with my RE. It's never been this bad. Thanks to my hoarder nurse like tendencies with medications I had some leftover narcotics stashed for safe keeping. I couldn't have made it a couple of nights with out them. I better not be developing Endo on top of PCOS...
Oh, and hubby's surgery is on Friday. Prayers would be appreciated for a quick recovery. AND, maybe a chance at getting his one good testicle a chance at functioning. (I can dream, right?)