A couple steps forward

First of four homestudies was completed on Friday. We learned a ton of information. Overloaded with information actually. But it feels good to be in the planning stages of something again. I love to plan.
The best part about our meeting came out of questions we had to answer about each other. I was reaffirmed about how much my hubby loves me and why he is still in love with me. It was great having him explain how he knew I was suppose to be his wife. How he knows I love him now. How I show him I love him in everyday life. Like a sweet anniversary talk, but better. Oh, and it's now in a legal document!
We are now busying ourselves with getting our autobiographies done and writing our "Dear Birthmother" letter. Our social worker told us she want's us to complete all of our paperwork rather quickly. They are currently in the early stages of working with two birthmothers and want to be able to show our profile! (I know it's early and they could back out at any time...) but it's so exciting to think that maybe my little one is being formed at the moment. Specially created, just for us!
We have started to think about fundraising. It's hard to justify soliciting money from our loved ones. We thought about a garage sale. T-shirts are a popular idea. But there is no quick way to try to obtain 30k!

In all of this excitement I have been feeling sad at the loss of being in the group of azoo/pcos/art girls. I feel like I no longer fit in on the boards under third-party reproduction. It has been such a big part of my everyday life to get on and follow the stories of so many courageous couples. The adoption groups are not the same. In some respect it's like going through a really long cycle and TWW. They say once all your paperwork is done you become 'paper pregnant'. (A very long pregnancy, I might add!).

Today though, adoption feels like my path to motherhood. Hubs and I have even started thinking that a mixed racial kid would be o.k. Our ideas about adoption are changing. Hopefully the excitement of all of this will outweigh the infertility woes that lurk in my darkness. It's a new exciting adventure. I need to give us a chance.