Thursday, February 3, 2011

Planning life around the IFs

About once a week hubs and I have a conversation about the future. Today it happened to be about a loan repayment program offered by the federal government to pay back my nursing school loans. It has a two year commitment. You cannot take extensive time off. You have to work at least 3/4 time for the full two years at the same place of employment. But where will we be in two years. Will I be a mommy? Will I want to work full time? What if Zlin works and I get some twins? We miss home some days. We miss our families. 2500 miles from anyone and anything that you know has it's good and bad moments. I cannot fathom the idea of having children that don't know their grandparents well. (We went to grandma and grandpa's house every Sunday after church). But those children may not come in two years... They might not come at all... I have enough college loan debt to keep us drowning for years. And that's not including the hubbies school loans from over ten years ago. The IFs of IF are really toying with my brain today. Vacation. No vacation. Bigger house. Same boring house. New car. Old car. Graduate school. Waiting for a miracle child... Putting life on hold for years of IF struggles... Anyone got a crystal ball I can borrow?


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