Monday, January 24, 2011

RE: "So what IS your plan?"

I work in a large medical center. It's a teaching hospital. I have spread my legs and dialoged my ailments to medical students, residence, new nurses, and visiting doctors. And, I don't have a problem with it. I also grew as a nurse in this hospital. I have been the one observing, learning, doing, and teaching. So, when my RE asked me what my hubby and I are thinking about doing for fertility treatments (in the audience of three other doctors) I decide to launch into the Zlin topic. I got three blank, confused stares from the on-lookers and a snide remark from my RE... 

RE: "Your husband does know that donor sperm is used in the process of donor embryo, right?" (Uh, no doc I just forgot to tell him! He thought it was some sort of asexual reproduction!) 
Me: Well, yes. But he doesn't want to use donor sperm. He's not comfortable with it...
RE: "Why?"
Me: (A little more than irritated at this moment) Well, he likes the idea that donor embryo is like adoption. And in the Czech Republic we can get it done for 10k. And it's his diagnosis that has got us here. I have to respect his feelings. 
You don't need to know the rest of the converstation. The point is I AM TIRED OF STANDING UP FOR MY HUSBANDS POINT OF VIEW! I don't care for the crazy Zlin idea most days. Giving up on my own eggs for the sake of my husband was a choice I made because we are in this together. Why would someone think I've decided this on my own? Most days I don't care for the idea either, but I'm left without options. I pray that he changes his mind soon. I want be given the chance to do IUI with donor sperm. At this moment it's not in the cards people! I have poured my tears over this matter. It haunts me daily. I've got a tough journey (I mean WE have a tough journey) ahead. NO ONE takes into account that my darling husband was told he is incapable of producing his on children by a phone call. And then a month later they ripped out one of his testicles. And now he has to save all his hard earned money to by himself a baby. On top of the guilt he feels because really it is his problem that is keeping us from biological children. 
*Breathe*
Oh, I feel a little better...
And someone joked with me last night at work about how we are lucky. We should just save our money that most people spend on children and go on lots of vacations! I wanted to tell her that I would take her two small children home with me and she could have all my money. 

4 comments:

Marissa said...

The first time I broached the idea of donor sperm was the last time.

Everything is a compromise. With donor embryos, it is very much like adoption in that neither of you is genetically related to the child, and the child is already partly formed. But there's probably no risk of the donors deciding to parent at the last minute. And you still get to be pregnant.

I doubt very many of us in the IF community would have picked the way we get/hope-to-get our children given the choice. It's all about compromise--what our bodies can do, what we can afford, what we can agree upon.

You don't have to defend any of your reproductive choices to anyone except your partner.

One way or another, I truly hope you get your child(ren)!

Lulu said...

Ugh. I am so tired of being told how lucky I am to not have kids. Someday I will ask "And you don't think YOU'RE lucky to have three beautiful, healthy children?"

Rebekah said...

You shouldn't have to defend your choice. What a jerk doctor.

I can hardly contain my contempt when I get those "you're lucky to not have kids" comments. Or "you have no idea how easy your life is without them." Ugh. There is no good response to those comments... I just wish people would stop making them.

foxy said...

First of all I am super impressed with how open you are able to be with your colleagues. I am so fearful of the reactions that I can't open up to most people beyond saying that we have 'issues' and a 'team of doctors' helping us.

I know that IUI works for some people, but IVF really has better odds. If I would have had my choice we would have started with IVF and skipped the iui's. I hope that you are able to benefit from going straight to the ivf.

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