Wednesday, March 2, 2011

1st home study next Friday...

We are officially starting the process... 1st home study is next Friday! 3 hours of life review and other fun things! Unfortunately, I'm starting to feel a darkness creep up inside me as I acknowledge that we are moving on with adoption. The loss of not pursing pregnancy/labor is really starting darken my outlook. Will I ever get over the loss of not carrying a child? Yet in the same breath I cannot fathom the pain so many of my infertile cyber family have faced. Our odds are so stacked against us. I pray that God settles my heart and helps me realize that something little and perfect is out there for us. We just have to wait for that perfect creation to be born. And may I find a good therapist who doesn't just acknowledge that infertility is a factor of my life but understands the pain and realities of it all.


Marissa said...

Oh wow--you're moving right ahead!! I'm sure you'll pass with flying colors. :)

I wish you luck finding a good therapist. Mine doesn't speacialize in infertility, but she seems to "get" it anyway. She's been a lifesaver to me.

Lulu said...

Congratulations! Have you read at all about the process of grieving a biological child? I haven't, but I do know that this is something many people must do before adopting.

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