Got a call yesterday from my bestest (yes, it's a word when they are that great of a friend) friend that she was spotting yesterday. I believe she is about 6 or 7 weeks along in her pregnancy with her first. The nurse in me tried to re-assure her that pink/brownish spotting isn't that bad and that she should just take it easy and call her OB/GYN in the morning. Well, I got a dreaded phone call this AM. Turns out she went to the ED last night with bright red bleeding and cramping.
I am so sad for her. 1st pregnancy. She told near everyone about it. And now the loss her and her hubby face is almost overwhelming. And so, after hanging up the phone with her I started re-thinking and fearing the unknown.
How can I spend thousands of dollars in a quest for a child if it ends in miscarriage? How can I even contemplate traveling across the world to have a maybe baby implanted for thousands of dollars to come back home and wait for a miracle? I like gambling, but only when it's penny slots!
Can I live through the let down after all the excitement has passed? We cannot afford to do this too many times. Emotionally I cannot afford to do this too many times. The IF's of life are weighing me down!
AND, on another note:
Thank-you AF for your unexpected visit on my 5th wedding anniversary. Not only were you not welcomed and not expected, but you caused me more pain and suffering this month that I can remember having in a long time. So much so that I will have to make an appointment to see the GYN. If not for some stashed-away narcotics I would not have made it through this weekend!
1 comments:
Oh how sad for your best friend. I'm so sorry to hear that, and about your own bleeding. Argh.
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